A new year, an engagement, a reconciliation

Last summer my husband and I decided it was past time to push our son out of the nest. So, we told him he had 2 months to move out. He's 30, so it was well past time. To our surprise, he got his act together and with his girlfriend, found an apartment. This was after him having to buy a new car and take on payments, insurance, etc. A year of joining the adult world. The girlfriend is a lovely person and they are a good couple, balancing and helping each other. Everything was good!

A few weeks ago, he announced his engagement! We were plunged into wedding planning, though it won't happen until 2020. Once again, we were impressed by the way the two of them worked together to plan an economical wedding celebration.

The other piece of this surprising and heart-warming story is the reconciliation. We have known the parents of the fiancee for years. I'll call them H and S. We all live in the same town, we are all musicians and had played together years ago. When my husband and I elected to leave the community music group that H directed, he took offense, said some regrettable things, and stopped speaking to us. This silently bad blood continued for years 5 years, until the kids got engaged.

I delighted to say that everybody stepped up. We encountered some potholes in our path, but all 4 parents really want this wedding to be a wonderful experience, focused on the kids. The 4 of us parents went out to dinner last week to discuss wedding things and ended up talking about all kinds of things for 3 hours!

I try to teach my 4th graders productive ways to solve their conflicts, through talking, "I messages," and listening to each other. It is so lovely when it works. And motivated adults can do the same.

Happy New Year!

My Grandmother's Fur Coat

After I moved to Chicago, my mother gave me her mother's fur coat, because, she explained, Chicago is cold in the winter and I could make good use of it.

The coat is actually a jacket. It is black fur, very soft. The fur is not one of the common furs that coats are made of, and even though my mother told me what it is, I don't remember. Maybe beaver? It has an unusual feature that my mother told me my grandmother had asked the furrier for - there are snap along the underside of the sleeves so you can unsnap and have the sleeves loose, more like a cape.

My grandmother was a very clever woman who had a difficult life. Widowed in her 20s with a two-year-old daughter, she went to tailoring school to become a skilled seamstress, but ended up working as a saleslady in a very small town in western Minnesota. She and my mother moved from apartment to apartment. In each apartment, they painted, wallpapered and generally made so many improvements that the landlord raised the rent and they had to move. I do not know how she came to have a custom-made fur coat.

I wore the coat a few times during Chicago winters, but as a jacket, it only kept part of me warm. Even more though, I did not feel comfortable wearing fur, even though this particular fur had been dead a long time. I will not berate anyone for choosing to wear fur, but much of the fur industry is not humane and I don't want to seem to support it. So the coat has been living in my closet for a long, long time.

What to do with it? I want to donate it to a group that will use it for animal welfare. A number of wildlife rehabilitation groups accept old furs to use in nurturing and comforting injured and orphaned animals. So I searched online for some place near me that takes old furs and found it's not that easy to give away a fur to an animal organization. I finally found a resale store, Buffalo Exchange, that has a yearly fur drive for Coats for Cubs. It's only from January to April, so the coat will have to hang out at my house for awhile longer. I like to think of my soft black fur comforting a young animal or maybe a family of youngsters.

It's a bit of my family history and a connection to my Grandmother, but I would rather see it being put to good use than just hanging in my closet. I have the stories, I can let the coat go.

This past Saturday I had an unusual and wonderful experience. I was invited to attend a Mozart party!

My main leisure-time activity is playing the (French) horn. I play in several community groups -- a band, orchestras, and a horn choir. I love to play and I love the social part of playing music. In addition, I have been a little obsessed with Wolfgang Amadeus and his family. (See multiple posts on my music blog, for example: Mozart & Salieri) So when the invitation to the Mozart party came, I jumped at the chance to play Mozart all day!

We arrived at 1:30 and the wind players made our way to the basement. There were eight of us, two horns, two oboes, two clarinets, and two bassoons. The string players were upstairs in other rooms playing quartets and other types of chamber music. Downstairs, we played octets for several hours. No one had practiced the music ahead of time; we were all sightreading. In between playing we chatted and got to know each other (ad rested!).

This party has been going on annually for 40 years or so. It started as a birthday celebration of Mozart, whose birthday is January 27, 1756. However, January in Chicago is not always travel-friendly, so the party eventually moved to June. Some participants have been coming since the first one, others have joined later, and some, like me, are one-time subs. Everyone is there because they love playing music, and love Mozart's music. Because everyone is sightreading, there is no expectation that our readings will be perfect.

After an afternoon a playing, everyone took a break for dinner and enjoyed more chatting. After dinner furniture was moved and the living set up for a small orchestra concert. This was again sightreading -- no rehearsal. We played the Overture to the Marriage of Figaro (one of Mozart's most famous operas), one of his violin concertos, and the Haffner Symphony. Again, relaxed and low-key, though everyone stayed together (without getting lost) and made music. A great day!

Since I am Mozart-obsessed, I tried to find more information about the octets we played. Mozart's music is cataloged by Kochel number, or K. number, so I looked up a few of the octets we played. Mozart wrote the Serenade in E-flat major, K. 375 in Vienna in October of 1781 for St. Theresa's Day. Mozart says in a letter to his father that he wrote it to impress a gentleman who had connections at the emperor's court, so he "wrote it rather carefully." It was played in three different locations on St. Theresa's day. No information on whether his plan to impress worked.

Another Serenade for wind instruments, this one in C minor, K. 388, was written in 1782 or 1783. The information I found says that Mozart was extremely busy during this time, both with many composing projects and with personal issues with the Weber family. He married Constanze Weber on August 4, 1782, though there were complications and intrigues leading up to the wedding. My source says this serenade "shows no sign of hurried creation; it is tightly structured, and superbly wrought." Mozart later arranged it for string quintet.

We also played an octet arrangement  of the "Gran Partita," or Serenade in B-flat major, K. 361. This is one of my absolute favorite pieces. Mozart wrote it for 2 oboes, 2 clarinets, 2 basset horns (a member of the clarinet family, no longer used today), 4 horns, 2 bassoons, and double bass. Mozart didn't date the piece, but it was probably written somewhere in 1783 or 1784. As with all his works, he wrote it for a particular group of musicians and was received very positively by the first audiences and musicians. This is one of the pieces featured in the movie Amadeus. You can hear a snippet from the Gran Partita here. 

This may be my only time at this Mozart party, but I am thinking maybe I could make my own chamber music party, on a much smaller scale than this one. A few musicians, music, and a space and time!

Time for reflection

The Jewish holidays, or holy days, in the fall are truly a time for reflection. In the 10 days from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur we are encouraged to think back over the previous year, to ask forgiveness of those we have hurt or wronged, and to forgive those who have hurt or wronged us. About 4 years ago I stumbled across 10Q, an online site that every fall posts 10 days of reflective questions, one question a day. I liked it so much the first year that I have returned every year.

The questions start with asking you to reflect on the past year -- what are you proud of, what do you wish you had done differently, how do you feel about it? The later questions have you look ahead - what do you want to do differently, what is stopping you? You are free to answer as briefly or extensively as you wish, and to either make your answers public within the 10Q site or keep them private. When the 10 days end, you answer one last question and send your answers to the vault, where you cannot see them until next fall.

When I began 10Q-ing, I didn't realize that the 10Q experience is tied to the fall Jewish holidays, but it makes perfect sense. The questions guide one to think back and consider changes for the future. It is perfect for reflection about one's life. Anyone can 10Q, though; there is nothing religious about the site.

I have just sent my answers to the vault. This year's answers were not as optimistic as some other years'.  I'll see them in a year. I'm hoping the world looks brighter in a year.

"Do you 10Q?" www.doyou10q.com

Hurricane Harvey

My daughter moved to Houston about two years ago. She went down to continue her music education and she has now begun to establish herself as a professional musician in Houston. She won an audition for the Houston Ballet Orchestra and is now the second horn. She freelances and teaches as well.

All was fine.

This week when people ask me about her my answer is, "she's safe." I hope she stays safe. We (her dad and I) wanted her to drive to Dallas where the parents of a friend had offered her a place to stay, but she waited too long in deciding to go and then couldn't safely leave the city. To complicate matters, she is between apartments and was staying with friends. She ended up at the home of a different friend, a fellow musician. They are in an area that has not been too wet, though they got water in the house on Saturday night. They have a generator and plenty to eat. They found a snake in the backyard -- the snakes are trying to find shelter too!

I am so grateful to the family that has taken her in. I am worried that their neighborhood may still get flooded. Another friend of mine was evacuated from his house last night. I am also so grateful for the rescue workers.

It's the beginning of the school year and so every day I go home exhausted, but it seems to be more so this year. I finally realized that the constant worry about my daughter is draining even more energy from me. I am also so sad for Houston. So many people losing their homes and possessions. The beautiful opera house is apparently under water. And they say the water may take months to recede after it finally stops raining.

It truly is a force of nature -- unstoppable.

The (sometimes guilty) Reading Pleasures of Series

When I was a child, I read basically everything I could get my hands on, and that included series, like the Bobbsey Twins, Nancy Drew, and all of Alfred Payson Terhune. Terhune was the author of Lad, A Dog, Lad of Sunnybank, and a seemingly endless supply of books about dogs, usually with sad endings. Whe I was 10, a neighbor brought over a box of old Bobbsey Twin books while I was recovering from a mysterious virus. I read them all -- old fashioned stories and language. Another favorite series of my sister and I was Cherry Ames. Cherry was a nurse who had a new job in each book, and of course an adventure or mystery to solve. She also had two boyfriends, one a doctor and one a pilot. What a fabulous life!

My 4th grade students love series, too. At the end of nearly every read-aloud book, someone will ask, "Is there a sequel?" Usually not, but I understand the desire to stay with those characters and see what happens next. But, there are lots of new series for kids to fall in love with today. Harry Potter, of course, but also The Mysterious Benedict Society, all of the Rick Riordan novels, Chasing Vermeer, and many, many more.

I still love series, mostly mystery series. I enjoy the mystery part, picking up the clues and trying to figure out the solution, but even more, I enjoy the characters. A mystery author has many books in which to develop her characters and I notice that there are series that start out with a rather one-dimensional main character who develops into a complex person over the course of several books.

I started my attachment to mysteries with Sherlock Holmes, then Agatha Christie and the Lord Peter Whimsy novels. I was hooked on British mysteries for awhile and hunted down Marjorie Allingham and her Albert Campion series and Josephine Tey's series featuring detective Alan Grant, know for his "flair." I read Tony Hillerman's mysteries set in the Southwest with Navajo detectives. A number of my favorites feature detectives with a special gift for the mystical or unexplainable. One of these is an obscure mystery writer, Timothy Holme, whose detective is Italian and seems to see things from past centuries. Jacqueline Winspear's Maisie Dobbs also has a special connection with intuition and the mystical. But now this is turning into a list of mysteries that I love!

The series I am thinking about today is Elizabeth Peters's Amelia Peabody mysteries. These stories are set in the late 19th to early 20th century in Egypt and England. Amelia and her husband, the dashing Emerson, are archeologists in the golden are of Egyptian archeology. Peters includes lots of interesting factual information about ancient Egypt and archeology. She also includes an homage to the swashbuckling romantic novels of authors like Ryder Haggard.

I had all of the books and was waiting for the next one, when I belatedly learned that Elizabeth Peters had passed away. Well, I thought, the last novel, The Tomb of the Golden Bird, did have a final ring to it, with many of the characters finding resolution to relationships and life paths. It was not a bad place to end, leaving the characters in their beloved Egypt, never growing any older. Then, this summer I found out that a new Amelia Peabody novel was out! Peters had begun it before her death and a close friend, who is also an author, had completed it. Would this novel take the characters forward? Would that be a good thing?

I bought the book -- in hardcover! I couldn't wait. As it turns out, this new novel goes back in time. The Tomb of the Golden Bird takes place in 1922 with much of the action revolving around the discovery of King Tut's tomb. The new novel, The Painted Queen, takes place in 1911. I have so far read the introductions to the book, which explain the process of finishing it. And so I learned that Peters did indeed intend that The Tomb of the Golden Bird would conclude the story of the Emersons, leaving readers to imagine them happily excavating in Egypt. It's rather like Sherlock Holmes, who supposedly retired to Surrey to raise bees (though a number of authors have recalled him from his pastoral life).

I'm looking forward to reading The Painted Queen and revisiting these lively characters once more in a new story.

But aren't we lucky that we can always reread our favorite books?

Block Party!

On Saturday our street held its first ever block party and it was great!

We have lived here since 1979, but we only know a few of our neighbors. People come home, drive into their garages and shut the door. And in the winter here in Chicagoland people mainly stay inside unless they're shoveling snow. So when we got the flyer on our front door, I responded right away, with the idea that we could at least go for a little while and see how it went.

This being 2017, the flyer directed us to go online to a site where the organizers had put in information and a way to sign up to come and bring things for the party. And that way they got everyone's email and could communicate electronically.

So on Saturday evening, my husband and I walked across the street to the cul-de-sac where tables and lawn chairs were already set up and a bouncy house was going strong in one of the yards. Everyone had name tags with first names and house numbers. We talked with many neighbors -- everyone was eager to connect with other families. We found out that there are a ton of families with young children on the street. There are also a fair number of retirees. One older couple lives right across the street from their children and grandchildren -- lucky people! One couple is one of the first residents of the street. Other people have lived here only a few years.

We heard the story of the house fire that led to gutting and enlarging one house. We heard about another house that has an awesome kitchen that is practically professional. Our neighbor across the street has a rock band (they practice elsewhere!) and has opened shows for bigger names. We have teachers, engineers, veterans, a realtor, a tailor, and lots more. It was a little like opening a mystery box and seeing unexpected, heart-warming surprises pop out.

In thinking back, I was reminded of an episode of the old TV show, That Girl, starring Marlo Thomas as a young woman trying to make it in NYC. In that episode, she is invited onto a game show and is completely stumped when she has to answer questions about her neighbors. In an effort to do better when she is invited back the next week, she holds a party in her apartment to get to know her New York neighbors and, of course, complications ensue. But, when she arrives back at the game show prepared to talk about her neighbors, she is instead asked about her old neighbors from her childhood neighborhood in Brewster, New York. She then totally nails it, sweeping the competition.

I don't know if I remember enough about my childhood neighborhoods to win a game show, but I do remember that growing up in a small town in Wisconsin, we kids roamed the street, playing at each others' houses, riding bikes, and running in and out of each others' houses. Our parents all knew each other, too. We didn't have block parties, but everyone talked to each other. People spent more time outside and so they saw each other. It was a wonderful way to grow up.

So many things have changed since those days that I think for most of us there's no going back. But a block party is a happy reminder that we can connect and enjoy each others' company.